So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
