Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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