glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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