Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My pussy is not your playground.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
