the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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