broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
