now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
