as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
