I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
