this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
