i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
