I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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