Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
