Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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