I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
