So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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