No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
