at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
