So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize