Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
