Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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