her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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