Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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