Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
