it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can feel your judgement through the phone
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
