I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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