hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
