I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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