You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
