nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
