cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
