All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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