well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
