Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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