Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
