I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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