No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
