SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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