Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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