I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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