He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
