you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
