Screwed.edu
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
