she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
