he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
