my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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