I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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