its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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