Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
