Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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