I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
