Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
